October 7th here we come!

October 7th is next week. Did I mention that we can't wait until then. Finally we may be able to see a light at the end of this endless tunnel. What will our course of treatment be? Most likely we will start with Clomid but go straight to 150 as it is the "magic" number for us, followed by control ultrasounds and I am hoping for a trigger shot, then you just know you WILL ovulate. Since I also have a luteal phase problem, I would like to have progesterone added to that but we'll have to see what the RE has to say next week. I'm feeling slightly hopeful today that finally this quest may be over soon.

One more

Another friend of mine is pregnant. That's wonderful news, she's been trying as long as I have and finally, she has her miracle and I am thrilled for her. Then why do I feel so crummy? Why do I want to cry this morning when I think about it? Because it should also be my turn, yes I am that selfish. Her and her husband had terrible odds and they beat them, why can't I?

It's not that I'm not happy for her because I am, I am so glad that she finally gets her chance to be a mom again and it's wonderful news. But in the back of my mind, I ask myself: Why not me? Why am I still waiting? Why, why, why?

Pity party. My period should be here today or tomorrow and that probably explains the way I'm feeling today. Lately, every month around the time I should get my monthly visitor, someone announces she's pregnant. I can't wait to be the one sharing the news with people but I'm afraid it will never happen again.

Yesterday I was looking at baby pictures of my three year old and said: What if I never have another one? What then? How will life go on, how will I make myself accept the situation, the fact that my belly will forever be empty? I had to tell myself that it isn't over yet, that our next appointment is less than a month away... October 7 can't come fast enough!

Missing the big O

And I am not talking about orgasms here hahaha. No, I'm talking about ovulating (yes it does happen) and missing it for some reason. That's what happens when you do not have a clear pattern, you are out of town and... well you get the picture. So I think I actually ovulated Sunday, which was cycle day 22 and we missed it! My monthly visitor will be here in about 10 days I'm sure, which means that my post ovulation phase is a few days short of what it should be to support pregnancy... another problem I didn't know I had. My next appointment with the RE is on October 7, period will have come and gone by then and we will have to wait yet another cycle before we can officially start.

I don't want to be complaining all the time but seems like I do that a lot. It's not that I'm not grateful for what I do have, it's just that I can't stop wanting another baby, it is ruling my life.

Ok, back to work...

Vacation

We are on vacation this week... well staycation really. Hubby and I took the week off to finish some projects in the house and around the house. Also this should be the week that I ovulate but I do not have a clear temperature pattern, as usual and it's really pissing me off right now. I would love to avoid the big gun treatment I will be starting around november but, seems like I'm out of luck. That has to be PCOS for you, my temperature is almost a flat line since I started taking it just after my period left. The question I am asking myself though is how in the heck to I get a 32-36 day cycle if I don't ovulate... I know that when I really don't ovulate I have extremely long cycles (50-90 days). I think I am probably ovulating way later than I think (my norm is days 17-19) and that my post-ovulation phase is just too darn short. Oh I just wish I had answers for once, we've been at this two years, you'd think I'd be able to interpret my chart wouldn't you!

Stomach flu and other fun things

So we were supposed to embark on a new weight loss journey this week but life with a three year old who goes to day care, who has friends who have older sibling got in the way of that. I got a call from the day care provider Friday morning (on my birthday no less) that he had just thrown up his breakfast and to please come pick him up. He had the stomach flu, or so they say... Anyway fast forward a few hours, he's been fine since, has been on anti nausea medications all day and has been able to keep down vanilla pudding and pedialyte. We still cancel our dinner plans because who wants to go to dinner with a sick child. Next day, we're going out of town to my parents for golf and a birthday dinner. That afternoon I start feeling nauseous, figure I'm just nervous because I do not want to see my sister in law (hubby's sister).

By Monday morning, I know I have the stomach flu but I'm not throwing up, lucky me I just feel crummy. I live on anti nausea meds and go about my business. Hubby is throwing up. Tuesday we are fine and go back to work.

So this week on a weight loss point of view is no good since all we eat is cereal and toast haha! On a more positive note, someone is interested in buying some of the baby things I put up for sale, we'll see if it works out.

Next week... vacation... are we on a diet or are we delaying another week?