What's going on?

Don't ask me, I do not know!

The charting software gave me back my ovulation day. Says it was on day 20, which makes me 17 DPO today, no sign of the monthly witch and my temperature is still higher than my coverline. Not as high as it was when I was pregnant with my son but I *guess* if the software is right, there is a chance, however small, that this could be it right?

I can't let myself think like that though because I'll be crushed if I get my period or a negative test... What to do, what to do.

If my temperature is still high tomorrow, I may care and pee on a stick hahaha!

Failed cycle

It's looking more and more like this present cycle will be a but! My charting software had given me a CD 20 ovulation but yesterday it took it away and I think there is no way it will give it back as my temperature continues to go down. I feel like a failiure. What I was born to do I can't do, my body just won't do it! I am considering taking provera at this point because I do not want to wait 30 more days for my period to come on its own but part of me says, wait it out just a little while longer. Problem is, the longer I wait, the harder it will be to bring on my period and heavier the actual bleeding will be. I just don't know what to do, wish my body would stop betraying me.

The months we do not try, I ovulate on my own and as soon as we start trying again, I stop ovulating. Makes no sense at all!

Nothing new this week

I debated wether or not to post here this week and decided that I might as well keep the pace of one post a week going.

I don't really have any news except for the fact that I either ovulated a couple days ago or I will in a couple days. Who knows and honestly this month, who cares? We are not actively trying again this month, waiting for next cycle when we have the Clomid.

I am still not sure how hopeful I am that this dose of clomid will work. Part of me wants to say, heck it will work the first month but the rational part of me says, don't get your hopes up, you'll be disappointed. If only I had a crystal ball hahahaha!

The new plan

As promised, I am here to update on what happened during my appointment with the fertility specialist yesterday. The good news is that we will start Clomid 150mg next cycle, with monitoring ultrasoun between days 14 and 16 as well as blood work confirming ovulation on day 24.

The disappointment came later when he said that if Clomid doesn't work this time then this is it for us until I am able to lose 25 more pounds. The clinic has a rule that you have to be under a certain BMI for them to take out the big guns, wether it be intrauterine insemination or invitro fertilization. That means that I have to get back on the weight loss horse and do this so that maybe some day I get my dream.

As much as I want to believe it will work for us (and we know it does, this dose made me ovulate once), part of me is saying, yeah whatever, what is different now that wasn't there in 2008 when this dose worked? Will I ovulate earlier, will my dear husband be able to "finish" every single time and even then, will we catch the proverbial egg? Do I keep going or do I give up?

Well, we will try this for a while and then we will have to see what we want to do. I remember last year saying that if I wasn't pregnant by January 2010 I would just stop trying... Now that deadline is so close and I'm nowhere near ready to give up on my dream.